Because I got her an Xbox.” — Anthony Jeselnik, 65. “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson, 21. — Stephen King, 32. Funny Christmas Quotes. Slow down. If you are planning to send funny and unique Christmas cards to your friends and family on upcoming Xmas. The celebration of Christmas remains strong in the heart of those who believe. Where Would You Like to Go Next? Today, we bring to you the awesome bundle of Short Christmas Wishes For Loved Ones. Apr 15, 2019 - Explore Nadine Haddad's board "" Funny christmas quotes"", followed by 181 people on Pinterest. “‘White Christmas’ is the ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ of Christmas songs.” ― Stewart Stafford, 33. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”— Charles M. Schulz, 8. Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” — Milton Berle, 59. Recipes. “Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?” — Unknown, 84. “This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” -Shirley Temple, “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”-Jerry Seinfeld, “The worst gift is a fruitcake. Some of the best funny Christmas quotes to bring a smile to your face. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” -Johnny Carson, “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” ~ Garrison Keillor, “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. “The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.” — Bill Vaughan, 58. Christmas Quotes I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” — Demetri Martin. General Christmas Sayings. If you haven't noticed by now, my love for fun letter board sign runs deep. Enjoy your Christmas holiday, the chicken … ‘It’s often infested with nargles.’” — J.K. Rowling, 61. Christmas quotes remind about the day. That's why we've rounded up these funny Christmas quotes to read when things get stressful. ”The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe, 51. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno, 26. “Of course Santa is dead. He jumped out from under it. Fat.” — Unknown, 90. Jesus is God’s perfect, indescribable gift. Funny Christmas Sayings and Quotes. Happy holidays! ”Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’” — Robert Paul, 57. 66. They include short excerpts from Charles Dickens, Dr. Seuss, and Maya Angelou, funny quips that make great captions, or additions to your DIY greeting cards, and quotes that, above all, spread the spirit of Christmas. They look so nice on the pumpkin. Happy Christmas. - Victor Borge. 2. “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard, 41. Short Christmas Quotes and Sayings Christmas is love come down to earth, a gift of infinite worth. Then we suggest you to prepare a card with funny Christmas quotes. “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig, 27. Funny Christmas wishes are the best Christmas greeting ideas for making your loved one laugh. By Lauren Chan and Leah Silverman. – Andy Borowitz. “I set a personal record on Christmas. That’s it. “Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! JPG file Metal Funny Christmas Sayings SVG file All flakes welcome . You got them right here. These short quotes are great for including in Christmas card message to friends and relatives who enjoy a good joke. The beauty of Christmas makes our love more beautiful. Do not sell my personal information. Everyone says it’s the season to be jolly. Dec 28, 2012 - funny christmas quotes, do not get your tinsel in a tangle. “Once you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.” — Unknown, 89. I wish you a Christmas full of lots of gifts and lots of celebrations but no credit card bills to pay…. Visit people only once a year. See more ideas about quotes, words, inspirational quotes. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” — Steven Wright, 67. You can even use them on coffee mugs or T-shirts and give them as gifts! “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz, 16. Refresh your page, login and try again. And that’s just not enough.”-Bridger Winegar, “Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. Santa Claus has the right idea. But if you’re not in a festive mood just yet, this list of 100 funny Christmas quotes should give you a few Santa-worthy belly laughs. “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. He must be a pacifist. Incorrect email or username/password combination. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Short Funny Merry Christmas 2020 Sayings and Quotes: Short funny Christmas sayings and quotes. Enjoy our collection of funny Christmas quotes with images. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear, “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. I forgot to check one time and they hatched all over these people’s house—and there were hundreds of thousands of them!” — Taylor Swift, Related: Hallmark Christmas Movies Schedule 2020, 28. - Melanie White. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” — David Letterman, 2. “My friend thinks he s smart. Christmas Quotes Short; Funny Christmas Quotes; Christmas Quotes for Cards. Maybe it’s the Christmas spirit talking (the real one, not the booze-filled one), but spending a little time with the family to make merry and spread cheer really isn’t so bad. These are some of the funniest Christmas wishes to make your loved one smile. How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…. , good cheer, for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included complaint one... Your tinsel in a tangle enough to be sent to friends and relatives enjoy... 29 Chalkboard Signs, cookies for Santa Signs that have become part of the trees up the and! 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